For all the mothers out there—Happy Mother’s Day! I know the work and love and sacrifices that go into being a mother.
This post today is for all those who find this a difficult day. Maybe you’ve lost your mother recently. Maybe you are a mother and you’ve lost a child or your children are far away. Maybe you wish you were a mother and aren’t. Maybe you find yourself second guessing things you did as a mother or things your mother did for/to you—or both. Maybe the people you most hoped would value what you do as a mother don't.
There are lots of reasons this can be a difficult day for many people. And if it is for you, as I find it is today for me, then maybe it will help a little to know you’re not alone.
Motherhood is tough. Children are 24/7 and there is no perfect set of rules on how to raise them. Nor is there any guarantee on how they will turn out, no matter how hard you try to love them. Some mothers succeed spectacularly and some fail spectacularly and each leaves a lasting legacy in the souls of their children—though not always the legacy they hoped to leave.
Growing up is about coming to terms with your parents and learning who you are distinct from them. It’s about learning to fly though sometimes you have to escape the nest and sometimes you get shoved out a little too soon. If you’re lucky, you get just the right amount of time in the nest and then all the love and encouragement you need to fly. If you’re a mother, the challenge is in knowing just when to let go.
If this is a happy, wonderful Mother’s Day for you I’m glad. That’s how it should be. Enjoy the day and time with your mother or being honored for being a mother.
If this isn’t a happy Mother’s Day for you, be gentle with yourself and know that you’re not the only one who may find it hard to celebrate Mother’s Day today.
April
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Friday, May 12, 2006
Fire Ants, Hail, Strong Winds...
Do you ever have those days when you wonder what’s going to go wrong next? I mean, I love my house. I love the Austin area. I especially like the people here. And a lot is going right in my life now. I’m teaching a writing class that’s going really well and working on a manuscript and even doing a some (very) short term work for the census bureau right now.
But there are those days...
--I wake up and discover yet another fire ant mound in my yard and that an old one is coming back.
--I hear that a roof can be totaled and look just fine and it’s happened to EVERY HOUSE a few streets over from mine and now I'm wondering about mine--especially since a roofer left fliers on every door on MY street.
--The back gate I couldn’t afford to get fixed before now hangs by a thread and every time we have another thunderstorm with hail and high winds I worry I’m going to wake up and find it’s now in the middle of the street.
--I wonder if I can afford to keep paying a lawn service so I get a mower and discover halfway through mowing the front that I just can’t do this any more—especially not in the heat (plus hitting two fire ant mounds doesn’t help...).
It’s days like those that make me want to crawl back under the covers and just not get up for, oh, say a month! Mind you, I know that in the scheme of things none of this is really serious. I know there have been times in my life I’ve faced much greater challenges, so what’s the big deal? But hey, on some level I’m a wuss. A bunch of little things can sometimes feel overwhelming.
Why am I sharing this here? Because I figure that at least a few of you occasionally have your equivalent days, right? I figure that it might help to share some of what works for me when I have days like that. (Because, hey, I know from experience that crawling back under the covers does NOT solve anything, darn it!)
First thing is to reduce or get rid of the sense of panic that things are going to spin out of control and I’m not going to be able to handle them. Those of you who have been reading here awhile know that I encourage my coaching clients to make lists of all their successes, of everything they have managed to do right in the past. It’s days like this such a list matters because I can look at my list and remind myself that I have coped with challenges in the past and succeeded. I can do this.
Deep breathing helps, too. Especially if I pair that deep breathing with an image of a cool and quiet and SAFE place so that I can feel my body relaxing. And as I relax, my brain begins to function more efficiently. Which means that the odds go up that I will be able to figure out a solution to my problems/challenges.
I remind myself that I don’t have to handle everything at once, RIGHT NOW! I can choose one issue and focus on that or I can take small steps toward addressing each challenge and as I see a clear path, act on it.
I can picture it as part of a scene in a book. What would my character do? What would I want my character to do?
Life always throws challenges at us. We can’t control that. What we can do, each of us, is to figure out the strategy that works best for us. We can make the lists of past successes so that when we have moments of self-doubt, we can pull it out and remind ourselves that we have the ability to succeed. We can take the few minutes to do deep breathing and calm any sense of panic so that our brains can work better. We can take one step at a time knowing that eventually it will all be dealt with in the best way that we can. And when we do succeed in solving a problem, we can celebrate—celebrate that we were able to resolve it and then ADD IT TO OUR LIST OF SUCCESSES. That way, when the next challenge occurs, it’s one more bit of proof that yes, we CAN cope with whatever latest practical joke the universe plays on us.
Wishing you a better week than mine....
April
But there are those days...
--I wake up and discover yet another fire ant mound in my yard and that an old one is coming back.
--I hear that a roof can be totaled and look just fine and it’s happened to EVERY HOUSE a few streets over from mine and now I'm wondering about mine--especially since a roofer left fliers on every door on MY street.
--The back gate I couldn’t afford to get fixed before now hangs by a thread and every time we have another thunderstorm with hail and high winds I worry I’m going to wake up and find it’s now in the middle of the street.
--I wonder if I can afford to keep paying a lawn service so I get a mower and discover halfway through mowing the front that I just can’t do this any more—especially not in the heat (plus hitting two fire ant mounds doesn’t help...).
It’s days like those that make me want to crawl back under the covers and just not get up for, oh, say a month! Mind you, I know that in the scheme of things none of this is really serious. I know there have been times in my life I’ve faced much greater challenges, so what’s the big deal? But hey, on some level I’m a wuss. A bunch of little things can sometimes feel overwhelming.
Why am I sharing this here? Because I figure that at least a few of you occasionally have your equivalent days, right? I figure that it might help to share some of what works for me when I have days like that. (Because, hey, I know from experience that crawling back under the covers does NOT solve anything, darn it!)
First thing is to reduce or get rid of the sense of panic that things are going to spin out of control and I’m not going to be able to handle them. Those of you who have been reading here awhile know that I encourage my coaching clients to make lists of all their successes, of everything they have managed to do right in the past. It’s days like this such a list matters because I can look at my list and remind myself that I have coped with challenges in the past and succeeded. I can do this.
Deep breathing helps, too. Especially if I pair that deep breathing with an image of a cool and quiet and SAFE place so that I can feel my body relaxing. And as I relax, my brain begins to function more efficiently. Which means that the odds go up that I will be able to figure out a solution to my problems/challenges.
I remind myself that I don’t have to handle everything at once, RIGHT NOW! I can choose one issue and focus on that or I can take small steps toward addressing each challenge and as I see a clear path, act on it.
I can picture it as part of a scene in a book. What would my character do? What would I want my character to do?
Life always throws challenges at us. We can’t control that. What we can do, each of us, is to figure out the strategy that works best for us. We can make the lists of past successes so that when we have moments of self-doubt, we can pull it out and remind ourselves that we have the ability to succeed. We can take the few minutes to do deep breathing and calm any sense of panic so that our brains can work better. We can take one step at a time knowing that eventually it will all be dealt with in the best way that we can. And when we do succeed in solving a problem, we can celebrate—celebrate that we were able to resolve it and then ADD IT TO OUR LIST OF SUCCESSES. That way, when the next challenge occurs, it’s one more bit of proof that yes, we CAN cope with whatever latest practical joke the universe plays on us.
Wishing you a better week than mine....
April
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Writing and Life—People
For those of us who are writers, writing and life are intertwined. What we write can affect how we perceive the world around us and the world around us affects what we write. I was struck this week, as I dealt with some issues in real life, that it can be an advantage being a writer.
If we are writers, we are used to putting ourselves in our characters minds and hearts. We are used to looking at issues and situations from viewpoints other than our own. This is a useful skill in real life as well. If we can look at difficult people we must deal with and put ourselves in their shoes, we are likely to be able to find solutions to problems. We are likely to be able to speak to them in ways they will hear and we are likely to actually hear clearly what they are saying to us.
If we must negotiate, the optimal strategy is ALWAYS one that is win-win. If we can use our skills as writers to figure out the other person’s bottom line and find a way to meet it and meet our own at the same time, we are not only more likely to get an agreement, it is more likely to be an agreement that all parties will abide by.
If we put ourselves in the other person’s shoes, the way we put ourselves in the minds and hearts of our characters, we are less likely to find ourselves trapped in anger and hurt and other negative emotions that hurt us. We are more likely to be able to hold onto whatever was good about the relationship—or perhaps even evoke good from someone not usually known for kindness or consideration or other behaviors we value.
If someone has hurt us in the past and we can use our skills as writers to understand why, we can realize how we might wish to change our words and actions or realize that these things would have happened no matter who we were or what we did. And we are less likely to carry the hurt so deeply through the rest of our lives. We are more likely to be able to let it go.
If we want to persuade someone to see an issue from our point of view, then our best option is to use our skills to see first what the other person’s hopes and fears are and how they see the issue. If we treat the other person’s beliefs and feelings with respect, they are more likely to listen to ours with respect. If we can address their fears and hopes in what we say and still support our own position by doing so, that’s when we are most likely to be able to convince someone that we might be right.
None of this means we must give up who we are or adopt the other person’s positions or beliefs as our own just because we understand how they think or feel! We can still listen to and value our own instincts and knowledge. And sometimes that is hard for us to do if we find it too easy to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes. I know this was a mistake I made during my marriage—to assume that he was more likely to be right about things than I was, especially because he was always surer that he was right.
So if you are a writer (and even if you’re not), look around at difficult situations and people and put yourself in the other person’s shoes. See how you can use that to create win-win solutions—and that includes a winning solution for YOU as well as for the other person.
April
If we are writers, we are used to putting ourselves in our characters minds and hearts. We are used to looking at issues and situations from viewpoints other than our own. This is a useful skill in real life as well. If we can look at difficult people we must deal with and put ourselves in their shoes, we are likely to be able to find solutions to problems. We are likely to be able to speak to them in ways they will hear and we are likely to actually hear clearly what they are saying to us.
If we must negotiate, the optimal strategy is ALWAYS one that is win-win. If we can use our skills as writers to figure out the other person’s bottom line and find a way to meet it and meet our own at the same time, we are not only more likely to get an agreement, it is more likely to be an agreement that all parties will abide by.
If we put ourselves in the other person’s shoes, the way we put ourselves in the minds and hearts of our characters, we are less likely to find ourselves trapped in anger and hurt and other negative emotions that hurt us. We are more likely to be able to hold onto whatever was good about the relationship—or perhaps even evoke good from someone not usually known for kindness or consideration or other behaviors we value.
If someone has hurt us in the past and we can use our skills as writers to understand why, we can realize how we might wish to change our words and actions or realize that these things would have happened no matter who we were or what we did. And we are less likely to carry the hurt so deeply through the rest of our lives. We are more likely to be able to let it go.
If we want to persuade someone to see an issue from our point of view, then our best option is to use our skills to see first what the other person’s hopes and fears are and how they see the issue. If we treat the other person’s beliefs and feelings with respect, they are more likely to listen to ours with respect. If we can address their fears and hopes in what we say and still support our own position by doing so, that’s when we are most likely to be able to convince someone that we might be right.
None of this means we must give up who we are or adopt the other person’s positions or beliefs as our own just because we understand how they think or feel! We can still listen to and value our own instincts and knowledge. And sometimes that is hard for us to do if we find it too easy to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes. I know this was a mistake I made during my marriage—to assume that he was more likely to be right about things than I was, especially because he was always surer that he was right.
So if you are a writer (and even if you’re not), look around at difficult situations and people and put yourself in the other person’s shoes. See how you can use that to create win-win solutions—and that includes a winning solution for YOU as well as for the other person.
April
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Going Back
Last week I was back in New Jersey. In the house I lived in for over 10 years. Taking care of my adult son with Down Syndrome while my ex was out of town. It was a strange sensation. I am light years from being the person who lived there just a few short years ago.
It was good to see my son and help to get his behavior at least a little back on track. And to see my daughter who flew in for Easter. I was happy to see a few dear friends.
But it was also hard to be in that house and see it changing, to see the garden disappearing, to wonder why I ever stayed so long—in the marriage, I mean.
We make choices based on our best guesses about what’s right for us—and sometimes those around us as well. Sometimes we choose well. Sometimes it takes us a while to realize we’ve made a mistake. Sometimes things change.
I wouldn’t go back if I could. At the same time, I recognize the good things that did come out of that marriage. I wish it had all been different. I married believing in happily ever after. It didn’t work out that way. So it was very strange being back in that house with all the memories.
It was hard, too, seeing my son. Realizing that much as I wish I could make his life easier, he must choose to make the changes in his behavior that could let that happen. I look at him and see all the years I gave everything I had to try to help him and know I couldn’t have done more. In the ways that really matter, his life is in his hands. Down syndrome or not, he must make certain choices that will determine the quality of his life. There is a limit to what his father or I can do for him. But that truth still hurts.
It was both a good trip back and a difficult one. I am so much happier than I was despite the challenges of being on my own. I discovered, though, that I am not yet completely done grieving for the loss of all the hopes and dreams I had when I married my ex and when I embarked on the adventure of motherhood.
But if we felt no emotions, we could not be writers.
April
It was good to see my son and help to get his behavior at least a little back on track. And to see my daughter who flew in for Easter. I was happy to see a few dear friends.
But it was also hard to be in that house and see it changing, to see the garden disappearing, to wonder why I ever stayed so long—in the marriage, I mean.
We make choices based on our best guesses about what’s right for us—and sometimes those around us as well. Sometimes we choose well. Sometimes it takes us a while to realize we’ve made a mistake. Sometimes things change.
I wouldn’t go back if I could. At the same time, I recognize the good things that did come out of that marriage. I wish it had all been different. I married believing in happily ever after. It didn’t work out that way. So it was very strange being back in that house with all the memories.
It was hard, too, seeing my son. Realizing that much as I wish I could make his life easier, he must choose to make the changes in his behavior that could let that happen. I look at him and see all the years I gave everything I had to try to help him and know I couldn’t have done more. In the ways that really matter, his life is in his hands. Down syndrome or not, he must make certain choices that will determine the quality of his life. There is a limit to what his father or I can do for him. But that truth still hurts.
It was both a good trip back and a difficult one. I am so much happier than I was despite the challenges of being on my own. I discovered, though, that I am not yet completely done grieving for the loss of all the hopes and dreams I had when I married my ex and when I embarked on the adventure of motherhood.
But if we felt no emotions, we could not be writers.
April
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Back to Life
Okay, back to writing about life. Sort of. As I often say, I don’t think writing and life can be separated if you’re a writer and today’s post is no exception.
No doubt you’re surprised to see two posts so close together from me but things are about to get a bit hectic. In part, that’s because I’m going to deal with some...challenging people in my life. Affection, love, and exasperation sometimes come all mixed together. We can love someone dearly and yet know we can’t be with them—for everyone’s sake involved. Or we want to see people we care about but circumstances don’t allow us to do so and sometimes it’s tempting to tell ourselves we don’t want to so that we don’t miss them so much. Today’s post is about seeing people—really seeing them.
All of us see life through the filter of past experiences AND the things people we trusted have said over the years. In addition, it’s human nature to want things to be clear cut. That means that we tend to see people as good or bad. If someone has hurt us, we may be reluctant to acknowledge that they may have been good to us, at times, as well. And if they are sometimes wonderful to us, we may be reluctant and it may take us a long time to acknowledge that sometimes they are horribly destructive as well.
What I’d like to suggest today is that it’s powerful—both in real life and as writers—to step back and really try to see people we know as they are, setting aside all our past filters, all our past experiences, all our past perceptions about a given person.
I believe that within every person is good. I believe that all harm comes out of a given person’s fears and self-doubts. That’s been true in my life even when the harm has been the most extreme. If we allow ourselves to see that, it can be transformative and help us move past those hurts to create a new and healthier relationship with that person—especially in situations where we cannot entirely or do not want to entirely cut that person out of our lives. And even if we do need to walk away entirely, it can keep us from holding onto anger that would otherwise be destructive to US.
It’s very powerful to look past the obvious to see what we may never have noticed or understood or let ourselves see before. It’s powerful to look at characters we are creating and ask ourselves what we don’t know about them as well. If we do, our characters will be more multi-dimensional and interesting to readers. A villain who is all evil is boring. So is a hero who is all good. Showing the other side of each—hero and villain—makes for a much more compelling story.
As many of you know, I have a son with Down Syndrome. He also has behavioral problems. As I deal with him soon, I will be trying to look at him with new eyes to see if there is a new way to reach him. I will be trying to put myself in his place and understand why he does what he does. I don’t know if I will be able to have an impact on those behavior issues, especially because I’ll be on his home turf, rather than mine, but I will try and at the very least, perhaps the impact of this visit will be different for ME, regardless of the impact on him.
So whether you are dealing with challenging people in your life or a writer wanting to create compelling characters, try asking yourself: What don’t I know about this person? What other way to see or interpret this person’s words and actions could there be? How can I connect to whatever is the greatest good within this person?
If you are working on creating a character, ask yourself: What is this character’s greatest flaw? What are this character’s self-doubts and fears and how does he or she react when someone triggers any of these? What is the good within this character? How does he or she perceive him or herself? How does that image vary from what others see? Do the character’s words match his or her actions? If not, why not? Who does the character WANT to be?
Writing and life are inextricably intertwined for writers. What we learn from one can help us with the other. How will you see the people in your life and the characters you create differently this week?
April
No doubt you’re surprised to see two posts so close together from me but things are about to get a bit hectic. In part, that’s because I’m going to deal with some...challenging people in my life. Affection, love, and exasperation sometimes come all mixed together. We can love someone dearly and yet know we can’t be with them—for everyone’s sake involved. Or we want to see people we care about but circumstances don’t allow us to do so and sometimes it’s tempting to tell ourselves we don’t want to so that we don’t miss them so much. Today’s post is about seeing people—really seeing them.
All of us see life through the filter of past experiences AND the things people we trusted have said over the years. In addition, it’s human nature to want things to be clear cut. That means that we tend to see people as good or bad. If someone has hurt us, we may be reluctant to acknowledge that they may have been good to us, at times, as well. And if they are sometimes wonderful to us, we may be reluctant and it may take us a long time to acknowledge that sometimes they are horribly destructive as well.
What I’d like to suggest today is that it’s powerful—both in real life and as writers—to step back and really try to see people we know as they are, setting aside all our past filters, all our past experiences, all our past perceptions about a given person.
I believe that within every person is good. I believe that all harm comes out of a given person’s fears and self-doubts. That’s been true in my life even when the harm has been the most extreme. If we allow ourselves to see that, it can be transformative and help us move past those hurts to create a new and healthier relationship with that person—especially in situations where we cannot entirely or do not want to entirely cut that person out of our lives. And even if we do need to walk away entirely, it can keep us from holding onto anger that would otherwise be destructive to US.
It’s very powerful to look past the obvious to see what we may never have noticed or understood or let ourselves see before. It’s powerful to look at characters we are creating and ask ourselves what we don’t know about them as well. If we do, our characters will be more multi-dimensional and interesting to readers. A villain who is all evil is boring. So is a hero who is all good. Showing the other side of each—hero and villain—makes for a much more compelling story.
As many of you know, I have a son with Down Syndrome. He also has behavioral problems. As I deal with him soon, I will be trying to look at him with new eyes to see if there is a new way to reach him. I will be trying to put myself in his place and understand why he does what he does. I don’t know if I will be able to have an impact on those behavior issues, especially because I’ll be on his home turf, rather than mine, but I will try and at the very least, perhaps the impact of this visit will be different for ME, regardless of the impact on him.
So whether you are dealing with challenging people in your life or a writer wanting to create compelling characters, try asking yourself: What don’t I know about this person? What other way to see or interpret this person’s words and actions could there be? How can I connect to whatever is the greatest good within this person?
If you are working on creating a character, ask yourself: What is this character’s greatest flaw? What are this character’s self-doubts and fears and how does he or she react when someone triggers any of these? What is the good within this character? How does he or she perceive him or herself? How does that image vary from what others see? Do the character’s words match his or her actions? If not, why not? Who does the character WANT to be?
Writing and life are inextricably intertwined for writers. What we learn from one can help us with the other. How will you see the people in your life and the characters you create differently this week?
April
Saturday, April 08, 2006
Synopses
If you’re a writer, you know what I’m talking about and odds are you don’t much like writing them. Recently, I’ve been getting a lot of questions about synopses so I thought I’d share here my philosophy about them.
First, it’s important to understand how synopses are used so that you can write an effective one.
Editors use synopses to:
1) Decide if the story meets the expectations of the genre.
2) The author can write a complete story with no huge, gaping holes.
3) Has compelling characters and situations.
4) Help sell a manuscript he or she wants to buy to the editorial team (who will not have had a chance to read the entire manuscript).
5) Create cover art and back cover blurbs.
6) Help the sales and marketing teams know what your book is about.
Writers can use the synopsis to:
1) Make sure the story has no gaping holes.
2) Judge if the manuscript has all the essential elements for the target genre.
3) Gauge if this is a compelling story. (i.e. Would YOU buy this book?)
What do I mean by all of this? Well, let me begin by using the example of a synopsis for a romance novel.
Readers (and editors and agents) will look for a story with:
1) A satisfying romance.
2) A hero the reader wants to take home with her (and keep in bed for a month).
3) A heroine who deserves the hero.
4) Characters who grow and change in some way.
5) A plot that makes sense.
Readers—including editors and agents—care about these things in that order of priority. This means that when you write your synopsis, if it’s a romance novel, you want to make sure the focus is on the romance and how that plays out. You want to make clear how and why your hero is compelling and how the heroine deserves him. You want to show how your characters grow and change. And finally you want a plot that makes sense BUT the plot elements will be discussed primarily in terms of how the events move forward the romance and/or the character growth and/or reveal information about the hero or heroine. If you do this, then you are making it easy for an editor or agent to see that your story will be appealing to readers.
If you were writing a mystery, the order of priorities would be more like the following:
1) Satisfying mystery with no gaping holes.
2) Compelling characters—though it might be the villain who is most compelling.
3) An interesting setting or context within which the story plays out.
Every type of book has reader expectations that must be met and that’s what you want to highlight in your synopsis.
Synopses are not fun to write but they can be an extremely useful tool—both for yourself as the author and for your publisher once you sell.
April
First, it’s important to understand how synopses are used so that you can write an effective one.
Editors use synopses to:
1) Decide if the story meets the expectations of the genre.
2) The author can write a complete story with no huge, gaping holes.
3) Has compelling characters and situations.
4) Help sell a manuscript he or she wants to buy to the editorial team (who will not have had a chance to read the entire manuscript).
5) Create cover art and back cover blurbs.
6) Help the sales and marketing teams know what your book is about.
Writers can use the synopsis to:
1) Make sure the story has no gaping holes.
2) Judge if the manuscript has all the essential elements for the target genre.
3) Gauge if this is a compelling story. (i.e. Would YOU buy this book?)
What do I mean by all of this? Well, let me begin by using the example of a synopsis for a romance novel.
Readers (and editors and agents) will look for a story with:
1) A satisfying romance.
2) A hero the reader wants to take home with her (and keep in bed for a month).
3) A heroine who deserves the hero.
4) Characters who grow and change in some way.
5) A plot that makes sense.
Readers—including editors and agents—care about these things in that order of priority. This means that when you write your synopsis, if it’s a romance novel, you want to make sure the focus is on the romance and how that plays out. You want to make clear how and why your hero is compelling and how the heroine deserves him. You want to show how your characters grow and change. And finally you want a plot that makes sense BUT the plot elements will be discussed primarily in terms of how the events move forward the romance and/or the character growth and/or reveal information about the hero or heroine. If you do this, then you are making it easy for an editor or agent to see that your story will be appealing to readers.
If you were writing a mystery, the order of priorities would be more like the following:
1) Satisfying mystery with no gaping holes.
2) Compelling characters—though it might be the villain who is most compelling.
3) An interesting setting or context within which the story plays out.
Every type of book has reader expectations that must be met and that’s what you want to highlight in your synopsis.
Synopses are not fun to write but they can be an extremely useful tool—both for yourself as the author and for your publisher once you sell.
April
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Real Writer
That’s a very insidious phrase—real writer. Often it’s used as in: You’re not a REAL writer unless you... OR You’re not a REAL writer if you don’t....
And if we don’t fit whatever that is, we may start to doubt ourselves. We think that getting published will make us REAL writers. Except that published authors start thinking, I’ll be a REAL writer if I make the best seller list or make X dollars for my next book.
Bottom line? You are a writer if you write. You cannot control the outcome but you are a writer if you write.
If we do not take ourselves seriously as writers, no one else will. Heaven knows it can be tough enough even if we do! I know published authors (and I was one) whose writing was treated by family as not real, not important, not a career. I had friends who didn’t respect what I did. And heaven help me, most of the time, if a stranger found out that what I wrote was romance!
We are writers if we write. What we write matters. (I have an essay on my website that I wrote shortly after 9/11 about the importance of what we do.) Each of us will choose to write what it is we are supposed to write. Each of us has our unique perspective and gifts to bring to telling a story or sharing information.
Respect what you write. It doesn’t have to be perfect to deserve respect, just as human beings don’t have to be perfect to deserve respect. Respect yourself as a writer. You are doing what many people dream about but never actually get around to doing. Respect that writers need time to daydream. Writers need time to play. How else can we stay in touch with that part of us most uniquely suited to imagine new stories? As children we had no trouble playing make believe! It’s only as adults that we worry if our make believe will be “good enough.” We need time to stay in touch or get back in touch with that child we were—the one who knew how to be fearless in playing make believe and in imagining how the world could be.
When we write, we help others see the world and people in a new way. We may share wisdom and understanding that is sometimes badly needed. Each of us will do it in our own way and each way matters because just as we are all different as writers, readers are all different and for each of us there are readers out there who may be touched to the core by what we write.
What if we are never published? I have never yet known a writer who regretted writing something that came from the heart. I have never yet known a writer who regretted searching for ways to connect with others mind to mind and heart to heart. I have known writers who tried to write what they thought they were supposed to write or what might be respected or well paid who regretted the time spent—but that was often true whether or not they ended up getting published.
If you write, you are a REAL writer.
April
And if we don’t fit whatever that is, we may start to doubt ourselves. We think that getting published will make us REAL writers. Except that published authors start thinking, I’ll be a REAL writer if I make the best seller list or make X dollars for my next book.
Bottom line? You are a writer if you write. You cannot control the outcome but you are a writer if you write.
If we do not take ourselves seriously as writers, no one else will. Heaven knows it can be tough enough even if we do! I know published authors (and I was one) whose writing was treated by family as not real, not important, not a career. I had friends who didn’t respect what I did. And heaven help me, most of the time, if a stranger found out that what I wrote was romance!
We are writers if we write. What we write matters. (I have an essay on my website that I wrote shortly after 9/11 about the importance of what we do.) Each of us will choose to write what it is we are supposed to write. Each of us has our unique perspective and gifts to bring to telling a story or sharing information.
Respect what you write. It doesn’t have to be perfect to deserve respect, just as human beings don’t have to be perfect to deserve respect. Respect yourself as a writer. You are doing what many people dream about but never actually get around to doing. Respect that writers need time to daydream. Writers need time to play. How else can we stay in touch with that part of us most uniquely suited to imagine new stories? As children we had no trouble playing make believe! It’s only as adults that we worry if our make believe will be “good enough.” We need time to stay in touch or get back in touch with that child we were—the one who knew how to be fearless in playing make believe and in imagining how the world could be.
When we write, we help others see the world and people in a new way. We may share wisdom and understanding that is sometimes badly needed. Each of us will do it in our own way and each way matters because just as we are all different as writers, readers are all different and for each of us there are readers out there who may be touched to the core by what we write.
What if we are never published? I have never yet known a writer who regretted writing something that came from the heart. I have never yet known a writer who regretted searching for ways to connect with others mind to mind and heart to heart. I have known writers who tried to write what they thought they were supposed to write or what might be respected or well paid who regretted the time spent—but that was often true whether or not they ended up getting published.
If you write, you are a REAL writer.
April
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