Words have tremendous power. They can cause someone to see a person or issue or the world in a whole new way. Say something hurtful to someone and you can see in their body language the power of the blow that’s been dealt. Say something encouraging or hopeful and you can see the same power only this time in a positive way.
One of the most powerful words we have is “thanks.” It can change our world the more we use it. Today I’d like to give thanks for some of the wonderful things in my life.
I am profoundly grateful for my children. Each is a blessing and each has taught me to see the world in a way I otherwise would not. With the perspective of several years, I can even look at my ex-husband and be grateful for the good he brought into my life at the same time that I know more than ever that the divorce was right for both of us.
I am grateful for all the friends in my life—both the new ones here in Texas and the friends I still am in touch with from the past. The internet is something I am grateful for every day because it helps me stay in touch with friends all around the country as well as with clients I coach. And I’m grateful that it gives me the opportunity to share my thoughts through my blogs. Not to mention that the internet is a wonderful research tool.
I am grateful for my home here in Texas. I am also grateful for all the opportunities to travel and give workshops.
I could go on and on. I’ve come to believe that focusing on what we are grateful for is one of the most powerful ways to live and to bring more good into our lives. What are YOU grateful for today and every day?
I am grateful for all of you who read my blogs. May the coming days, weeks, and months give you many opportunities for saying “Thank you” to the people in your lives and to the universe/God.
April
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Five Things You Might Not Know About Me
I’ve been tagged by Sharon Schulze so now it’s my turn to post 5 things you might not know about me. When she tagged me I thought it was a great way for visitors to any of our sites to get to know some other authors whose blogs (and books!) they might enjoy reading. Plus a fun way for visitors to get to know more about all of us. I hope you'll follow the links along the path of the tagging.
Back to my list. Given that I tend to be pretty open about myself, it’s going to be hard to think of 5 things people don’t know but let’s see what I can come up with...
1) I love country music.
2) I’ve gone snorkeling in Hanauma Bay in Hawaii on Oahu.
3) I designed and made a large dragon needlepoint tapestry for my son when he was an infant.
4) I love rum raisin ice cream.
5) I grew up believing I was tone deaf and only at the age of 53 discovered that within 24 hours could teach myself to play Beethoven’s Ode to Joy note perfect on the violin. (Note: I played cello in high school but was so bad they once held a concert and didn’t tell me and instead brought in someone who had already graduated to play the cello—and this was after 3 years of lessons!)
6) I’m an optimist. I believe it’s possible to rise above any trauma or challenge in our lives. Okay, so that’s not much of a secret. Anyone who has ever heard me speak knows I incorporate those ideals into every workshop I present. What isn’t widely known, however, is that I have a blog that deals with precisely those ideas. It’s called Thriver’s Toolbox and is for anyone who wants to overcome self-doubt or life challenges.
All right, so I couldn’t stop at 5. Anyone who has ever taken a workshop from me knows that I always have lots of information to share! Now I’m going to tag Karen Harbaugh and Beth Pattilo, wonderful and talented writers I know..... I hope you’ll check out their lists!
Back to my list. Given that I tend to be pretty open about myself, it’s going to be hard to think of 5 things people don’t know but let’s see what I can come up with...
1) I love country music.
2) I’ve gone snorkeling in Hanauma Bay in Hawaii on Oahu.
3) I designed and made a large dragon needlepoint tapestry for my son when he was an infant.
4) I love rum raisin ice cream.
5) I grew up believing I was tone deaf and only at the age of 53 discovered that within 24 hours could teach myself to play Beethoven’s Ode to Joy note perfect on the violin. (Note: I played cello in high school but was so bad they once held a concert and didn’t tell me and instead brought in someone who had already graduated to play the cello—and this was after 3 years of lessons!)
6) I’m an optimist. I believe it’s possible to rise above any trauma or challenge in our lives. Okay, so that’s not much of a secret. Anyone who has ever heard me speak knows I incorporate those ideals into every workshop I present. What isn’t widely known, however, is that I have a blog that deals with precisely those ideas. It’s called Thriver’s Toolbox and is for anyone who wants to overcome self-doubt or life challenges.
All right, so I couldn’t stop at 5. Anyone who has ever taken a workshop from me knows that I always have lots of information to share! Now I’m going to tag Karen Harbaugh and Beth Pattilo, wonderful and talented writers I know..... I hope you’ll check out their lists!
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Washington, D.C.
WRW, the Washington Romance Writer’s group was wonderful! Gave my Book in a Week workshop there and loved having all day to cover the material. I still didn’t have time to cover everything, of course. But that’s how it always goes.
I love giving workshops. I love knowing I make a difference when I do. I love making writing easier and more fun and sharing tools that can make us more effective writers. At the same time, I’m always energized by the ideas people at the workshops have to share and I always come home eager to work on my own manuscript.
I also got to see an old friend from high school. This is someone who had the courage to be himself in school and as an adult found a career that involved something he enjoys. It was wonderful to be able to reconnect with him. We vowed to keep in better touch in the future.
Flying back home I found myself spinning stories about some old maps my friend showed me. I also found myself wondering about other people I knew in high school and wondering how they are doing.
How many of us, I wonder, avoid high school reunions, feeling that maybe we’re going to feel the same way we did back then? And for many of us, high school was a time of insecurity, wasn’t it? Seeing this friend, though, made me wonder what it would be like to go to a reunion. What would it be like to see how everyone has grown and changed? To discover a side of them I didn’t get to know at the time? That was such a difficult time in my life anyway that I wonder how much I missed seeing about my fellow students.
And, of course, it had me working out how various characters in a novel might react to going back to a high school reunion and what it would help them realize about themselves. But that’s what we writers do. I’m not sure, if we’re writers, that we can keep life and writing separate. If we did, I suspect our work would ring hollow. It’s when we’re willing to look at and dissect our own emotions and those of others that we find the means to bring characters to life and maybe even offer new ideas of how one can face life’s challenges.
Here’s hoping everyone has a great week! I’ll be voting tomorrow and hoping that someday it will be possible to truly discuss the issues and listen, really listen, with respect to each other knowing that none of us has a lock on wisdom or truth. that we each have something to offer, and that deep down we all just want to be safe.
April
I love giving workshops. I love knowing I make a difference when I do. I love making writing easier and more fun and sharing tools that can make us more effective writers. At the same time, I’m always energized by the ideas people at the workshops have to share and I always come home eager to work on my own manuscript.
I also got to see an old friend from high school. This is someone who had the courage to be himself in school and as an adult found a career that involved something he enjoys. It was wonderful to be able to reconnect with him. We vowed to keep in better touch in the future.
Flying back home I found myself spinning stories about some old maps my friend showed me. I also found myself wondering about other people I knew in high school and wondering how they are doing.
How many of us, I wonder, avoid high school reunions, feeling that maybe we’re going to feel the same way we did back then? And for many of us, high school was a time of insecurity, wasn’t it? Seeing this friend, though, made me wonder what it would be like to go to a reunion. What would it be like to see how everyone has grown and changed? To discover a side of them I didn’t get to know at the time? That was such a difficult time in my life anyway that I wonder how much I missed seeing about my fellow students.
And, of course, it had me working out how various characters in a novel might react to going back to a high school reunion and what it would help them realize about themselves. But that’s what we writers do. I’m not sure, if we’re writers, that we can keep life and writing separate. If we did, I suspect our work would ring hollow. It’s when we’re willing to look at and dissect our own emotions and those of others that we find the means to bring characters to life and maybe even offer new ideas of how one can face life’s challenges.
Here’s hoping everyone has a great week! I’ll be voting tomorrow and hoping that someday it will be possible to truly discuss the issues and listen, really listen, with respect to each other knowing that none of us has a lock on wisdom or truth. that we each have something to offer, and that deep down we all just want to be safe.
April
Monday, October 30, 2006
Do You Ever Wonder
Do you ever wonder why a reader reads our books? Or why you hear over and over again—show don’t tell?
Readers connect—or don’t!—with a book on a gut emotional level. Even when the book is nonfiction—history or science or philosophy—if the person is reading it by choice and not simply because he or she needs to do so for work, I believe there is an underlying emotional connection to the material.
With thrillers, part of the appeal, I believe, is the secret desire so many of us have to be heroes. For science fiction or fantasy where the theme is “stranger in a strange land” there is the connection of all the times we have felt that way. For romance, well, the deepest human need that exists is to be loved. Babies can literally die from lack of love.
What does this mean to us if we are writers? It means we need to keep always in our minds that our readers need a way to connect emotionally with our characters and/or the situations in which they find themselves. Readers don’t necessarily have to feel they would make the same choices, only be able to understand why our characters make the choices and take the actions they do.
This also means that the strongest opening to a novel will be one that resonates on a gut or emotional level with readers or it will be one that evokes laughter. Readers who quickly feel that they like the characters and want to spend time with them will keep reading. Readers who laugh and believe they will be entertained will keep reading. Readers who want to believe in the fantasy of power being offered will keep reading.
Example: Consider the impact of the following two possible openings for the same book.
Sarah sat down to pay bills. There probably wasn’t enough money in the checking account because her sister had taken most of it last week when she left town with her biker boyfriend. Now she was afraid her landlord might throw her out of her apartment before she could get a second job to pay the bills.
OR
Sarah was going to kill Martha. She had it all planned out. She’d tie Martha to a stake, pile up all these bills at Martha’s feet, and light them with a match from her sister’s purse. It wasn’t as if she could afford to buy her own matches, after all. Not since Martha had emptied out Sarah’s purse and bank account and took off with that low down, no account biker who came through town last week.
Yup, Sarah had it all planned out. The only problem left was how to persuade her landlord not to throw her out before she found a way to get the money to pay her rent and other bills. Briefly she wondered how hard it would be to rob a bank but then concluded she’d probably end up feeling sorry for the teller and give it all back. Nope, she was just going to have to work two jobs. Again.
The second opening lets the reader deeper into Sarah’s world. Hopefully it makes the reader laugh a little and really feel the desperation that lies under Sarah’s fantasy, see her determination to succeed and ultimately care what happens to her.
So...how will you let your readers into the emotional world of your characters? How will you create emotional points of connection for them?
And if you are a reader, what draws YOU into a book? What do YOU remember most about the best books you have ever read?
April
Readers connect—or don’t!—with a book on a gut emotional level. Even when the book is nonfiction—history or science or philosophy—if the person is reading it by choice and not simply because he or she needs to do so for work, I believe there is an underlying emotional connection to the material.
With thrillers, part of the appeal, I believe, is the secret desire so many of us have to be heroes. For science fiction or fantasy where the theme is “stranger in a strange land” there is the connection of all the times we have felt that way. For romance, well, the deepest human need that exists is to be loved. Babies can literally die from lack of love.
What does this mean to us if we are writers? It means we need to keep always in our minds that our readers need a way to connect emotionally with our characters and/or the situations in which they find themselves. Readers don’t necessarily have to feel they would make the same choices, only be able to understand why our characters make the choices and take the actions they do.
This also means that the strongest opening to a novel will be one that resonates on a gut or emotional level with readers or it will be one that evokes laughter. Readers who quickly feel that they like the characters and want to spend time with them will keep reading. Readers who laugh and believe they will be entertained will keep reading. Readers who want to believe in the fantasy of power being offered will keep reading.
Example: Consider the impact of the following two possible openings for the same book.
Sarah sat down to pay bills. There probably wasn’t enough money in the checking account because her sister had taken most of it last week when she left town with her biker boyfriend. Now she was afraid her landlord might throw her out of her apartment before she could get a second job to pay the bills.
OR
Sarah was going to kill Martha. She had it all planned out. She’d tie Martha to a stake, pile up all these bills at Martha’s feet, and light them with a match from her sister’s purse. It wasn’t as if she could afford to buy her own matches, after all. Not since Martha had emptied out Sarah’s purse and bank account and took off with that low down, no account biker who came through town last week.
Yup, Sarah had it all planned out. The only problem left was how to persuade her landlord not to throw her out before she found a way to get the money to pay her rent and other bills. Briefly she wondered how hard it would be to rob a bank but then concluded she’d probably end up feeling sorry for the teller and give it all back. Nope, she was just going to have to work two jobs. Again.
The second opening lets the reader deeper into Sarah’s world. Hopefully it makes the reader laugh a little and really feel the desperation that lies under Sarah’s fantasy, see her determination to succeed and ultimately care what happens to her.
So...how will you let your readers into the emotional world of your characters? How will you create emotional points of connection for them?
And if you are a reader, what draws YOU into a book? What do YOU remember most about the best books you have ever read?
April
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Writing Through Difficult Times
I’m often asked by my coaching clients or when I give writing workshops how we can keep writing through difficult times. It’s come up in my own life—sick kids, death of a parent, friends in need. It came up again this past week. My friend fighting breast cancer had a set back and ended up in the hospital for several days. A few other things pulled at my attention as well. But I have an editor and an agent who asked to see a manuscript that needs a few revisions first.
So it’s fresh in my mind. How do we write in times of stress? (And who doesn’t have stress in their lives?)
These are the questions I ask myself and suggest my clients ask themselves:
1) Why do I write? Why does it matter to me to be a writer?
2) Why does THIS particular project matter to me?
3) What do I love about my writing?
4) What’s the cost to me if I don’t write NOW?
5) How can I honor the concerns in my life AND write?
6) How can I bring laughter into my life, every day, even if something terrible is happening or has happened as well?
I know MY answers. They are what keep me writing even when it’s difficult. My answers won’t necessarily be the same as yours or any other writer. Each of us needs to know what matters to us.
Ironically, as I turned to books by fellow writers and discovered gems by Lois Winston and Irene Peterson and Caridad Pineiro, I was reminded how often readers have written to me to say that my books got them through a difficult time and it was one more reason to go back to my computer with renewed energy and enthusiasm for the project I’m working on. (Which is why books by Eloisa James, Mary Jo Putney, Anne Stuart, Jennifer Cruisie, Terri Brisbin, Elizabeth Keys, and others are still waiting to be read.)
I even realized that the darkness that had crept into the writing before I went to the NJRW conference because I was worried about my friend could be replaced with a lightness that makes me laugh as I rewrite the scenes. (Note: I hadn’t worried about the darkness, even though my initial vision for Black Cat of the Family was lightness because I’d been hearing editors wanted dark paranormal. But guess what? The editor wants to see the lighter version—a reminder that my initial instincts were on target and I should have trusted them.)
So how do you write in stressful times? What are your answers to the questions above? It’s worth asking yourself the questions and brainstorming strategies when things are going well because it’s much harder to do so when you are under stress. And I truly believe that tapping back into the writing can give us an intangible something that helps us cope with those challenges.
I hope that each of you find your own answers to the questions above and the strategies that will allow YOU to write when you most need and want to do so.
April
So it’s fresh in my mind. How do we write in times of stress? (And who doesn’t have stress in their lives?)
These are the questions I ask myself and suggest my clients ask themselves:
1) Why do I write? Why does it matter to me to be a writer?
2) Why does THIS particular project matter to me?
3) What do I love about my writing?
4) What’s the cost to me if I don’t write NOW?
5) How can I honor the concerns in my life AND write?
6) How can I bring laughter into my life, every day, even if something terrible is happening or has happened as well?
I know MY answers. They are what keep me writing even when it’s difficult. My answers won’t necessarily be the same as yours or any other writer. Each of us needs to know what matters to us.
Ironically, as I turned to books by fellow writers and discovered gems by Lois Winston and Irene Peterson and Caridad Pineiro, I was reminded how often readers have written to me to say that my books got them through a difficult time and it was one more reason to go back to my computer with renewed energy and enthusiasm for the project I’m working on. (Which is why books by Eloisa James, Mary Jo Putney, Anne Stuart, Jennifer Cruisie, Terri Brisbin, Elizabeth Keys, and others are still waiting to be read.)
I even realized that the darkness that had crept into the writing before I went to the NJRW conference because I was worried about my friend could be replaced with a lightness that makes me laugh as I rewrite the scenes. (Note: I hadn’t worried about the darkness, even though my initial vision for Black Cat of the Family was lightness because I’d been hearing editors wanted dark paranormal. But guess what? The editor wants to see the lighter version—a reminder that my initial instincts were on target and I should have trusted them.)
So how do you write in stressful times? What are your answers to the questions above? It’s worth asking yourself the questions and brainstorming strategies when things are going well because it’s much harder to do so when you are under stress. And I truly believe that tapping back into the writing can give us an intangible something that helps us cope with those challenges.
I hope that each of you find your own answers to the questions above and the strategies that will allow YOU to write when you most need and want to do so.
April
Saturday, October 14, 2006
Conference and Politicians
Okay, so I was just going to write about the New Jersey Romance Writer’s Conference that took place last weekend. It was, as always a wonderful event! There were, of course, terrific speakers, wonderful and welcoming NJRW members, and excellent editors and agents who attended.
I love writer’s conferences. I love speaking at them and sharing what I know that can make writing easier, more fun, and more effective. I love being inspired by and learning from other authors. I love the energy, the enthusiasm, the wisdom and the sheer joy that abounds at these things. I came away with renewed confidence and impatience to get back to my own work.
Now about politics....
There is a politician in Texas who thinks it’s okay to trash romance novels. Fred Head seems to think that writing about love and honor and commitment and making love within the bounds of a loving, monogamous relationship is somehow wrong. He calls it pornography. I am deeply disappointed that he feels he has a right to treat romance writers and readers with such disrespect. I am deeply disappointed that he would rather take cheap shots at his opponent Susan Combs than deal with real issues. I feel angry that he thinks we don’t matter.
I suppose I’m angriest because I believe so deeply in what I and other romance writers write. I believe in hope and love and commitment and optimism about life. I believe we need a genre that is dedicated to the issues, hopes, and dreams of women. I believe we need a genre that shows both men and women triumphing over the challenges in their lives. I believe we need a genre that explores the ways men and women can come together that empowers both of them so that each is stronger and safer and more capable than if each was alone.
I am a feminist. It’s one of the reasons I began writing romance novels. In my lifetime I have seen a profound change in the roles for men and women and I believe one of the great challenges we have is to explore these new possibilities.
I also write romance novels because I believe there is too much darkness, too much pessimism in the world. I believe that we romance writers show a way to live that focuses on taking action and triumphing over challenges rather than being victims.
I write romance because in a world where love is often treated so carelessly, I believe we need models of men and women who do treat love with the respect it deserves. We need to read about people who are committed to fidelity and monogamy and do the work it takes to have a relationship that lasts.
Fred Head has chosen to attack something I dearly love. In doing so, he has lost my respect and any chance I would ever vote for him for any public office ever. He owes Susan Combs and every romance author and every romance reader a profound apology.
April
I love writer’s conferences. I love speaking at them and sharing what I know that can make writing easier, more fun, and more effective. I love being inspired by and learning from other authors. I love the energy, the enthusiasm, the wisdom and the sheer joy that abounds at these things. I came away with renewed confidence and impatience to get back to my own work.
Now about politics....
There is a politician in Texas who thinks it’s okay to trash romance novels. Fred Head seems to think that writing about love and honor and commitment and making love within the bounds of a loving, monogamous relationship is somehow wrong. He calls it pornography. I am deeply disappointed that he feels he has a right to treat romance writers and readers with such disrespect. I am deeply disappointed that he would rather take cheap shots at his opponent Susan Combs than deal with real issues. I feel angry that he thinks we don’t matter.
I suppose I’m angriest because I believe so deeply in what I and other romance writers write. I believe in hope and love and commitment and optimism about life. I believe we need a genre that is dedicated to the issues, hopes, and dreams of women. I believe we need a genre that shows both men and women triumphing over the challenges in their lives. I believe we need a genre that explores the ways men and women can come together that empowers both of them so that each is stronger and safer and more capable than if each was alone.
I am a feminist. It’s one of the reasons I began writing romance novels. In my lifetime I have seen a profound change in the roles for men and women and I believe one of the great challenges we have is to explore these new possibilities.
I also write romance novels because I believe there is too much darkness, too much pessimism in the world. I believe that we romance writers show a way to live that focuses on taking action and triumphing over challenges rather than being victims.
I write romance because in a world where love is often treated so carelessly, I believe we need models of men and women who do treat love with the respect it deserves. We need to read about people who are committed to fidelity and monogamy and do the work it takes to have a relationship that lasts.
Fred Head has chosen to attack something I dearly love. In doing so, he has lost my respect and any chance I would ever vote for him for any public office ever. He owes Susan Combs and every romance author and every romance reader a profound apology.
April
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Courage
She wore a bracelet sent to her by members of the Masai tribe in Africa. Two playboy bunnies stopped by to wish her well. She was surrounded by friends and we laughed and joked and cried with her the night before she went in for surgery for breast cancer. It was aggressive breast cancer, moving very fast, they said. She had chosen a double radical mastectomy. We knew they expected to keep her a week in the hospital to recover.
That was Thursday night. The surgery was Friday. She came home on Saturday. It was her choice. She wanted to be home where she would be more comfortable and could sleep better. She wanted to be where she could be surrounded by friends and loved ones and her dogs.
She was and is still in pain, but every day, all day, she moves around, gets up and down and does what she can—careful not to strain herself, but determined to do whatever it takes to heal and be well again.
That’s courage.
She’s already prepared for the months ahead. Her hair is cut short in case it falls out. She has a collection of hats ready and big, splashy earrings. She’s figured out how she will do the things that matter most and still make sure she gets the chemo she needs.
For those of us who are writers, this is the kind of woman many of us want to write about—someone who triumphs over every obstacle put in her path, someone who goes on when others might give up, someone who continues to laugh and love and LIVE in the face of terrifying adversity, someone who is passionate in everything she does. In short, she is the heroine of her own story.
May we all find courage to face the adversities in our lives and live and love and laugh as we do so. May we all be the heroines of our own stories. May we all have whatever courage we need, when we need it.
April
That was Thursday night. The surgery was Friday. She came home on Saturday. It was her choice. She wanted to be home where she would be more comfortable and could sleep better. She wanted to be where she could be surrounded by friends and loved ones and her dogs.
She was and is still in pain, but every day, all day, she moves around, gets up and down and does what she can—careful not to strain herself, but determined to do whatever it takes to heal and be well again.
That’s courage.
She’s already prepared for the months ahead. Her hair is cut short in case it falls out. She has a collection of hats ready and big, splashy earrings. She’s figured out how she will do the things that matter most and still make sure she gets the chemo she needs.
For those of us who are writers, this is the kind of woman many of us want to write about—someone who triumphs over every obstacle put in her path, someone who goes on when others might give up, someone who continues to laugh and love and LIVE in the face of terrifying adversity, someone who is passionate in everything she does. In short, she is the heroine of her own story.
May we all find courage to face the adversities in our lives and live and love and laugh as we do so. May we all be the heroines of our own stories. May we all have whatever courage we need, when we need it.
April
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