Monday, October 17, 2005

House, Home, Identity

I am realizing that it was easier to find this house than to know how to furnish it. I know what I want but I can't find it in stores. I realized that it ties into how I feel about myself. For the first time in my life, I could choose whatever I want--if I could find it. My home will be a reflection of me--who I am. I am inclined to wait except...I can't really hold classes until I have a furnished living room. And I need a kitchen table and chairs.

I realize, of course, that part of the problem is trying to keep to a budget. If money were no object, it would be much easier to get what I want. So the choice is between fiscal responsibility and "perfection."

That's a choice, of course, we often make in our lives. I think I need to get more creative. I haven’t seen any estate sales advertised but there must be some. And my daughter suggested I check Craigslist and ebay. Meanwhile, I’ve put together a small bookshelf to use as a night table because what do I need more than books beside my bed and space for a notebook or two?

I’ve been writing, too. Not the Pink Refrigerator project but another one I mentioned to an editor at the writer’s conference in Seattle. For all the coaching I do, for all the teaching I do, I am at heart a writer first. I have stories to tell. That’s been too often put on the back burner as I made all the changes I have recently. It feels good to have the words flowing again, to know that I’m doing what I love most.

So, like most of us, I am balancing the demands of every day life with the writing. And all of it is about becoming more truly myself, the person I am and want to be. I am discovering that I am not willing to settle for less than that—not now and not ever again. I won’t wear clothes I don’t love or buy furniture or write words that don’t matter to me. I won’t be someone others want me to be. And I will make the writing the priority it should be.

One reason I love to give writing workshops is that I know that when we find the words to tell the stories we have inside it changes our lives. When we find our voice, we find something else as well. We find courage, strength, resilience and we find ourselves. By the same token, being true to ourselves makes it easier to write the words we need to share. So....

If you have ever thought of writing, I encourage you to try. If you tell the stories that matter to you, you will never regret the time spent doing so—whatever happens. Share your stories. Wear clothes you love. Surround yourself with things that make you smile. It is your life--live it with joy and courage.