Sunday, October 02, 2005

A Bed at Last!

Well, I have a bed. Expensive. Very expensive. But I found that when I tried less expensive beds, my back and my left shoulder (the one that was a frozen shoulder a couple of years ago) hurt too much. So, I ordered it yesterday and it got delivered today.

It is so nice not to be sleeping on the floor on an air mattress! Plus, now I know how much room there is in the sitting area of my bedroom. Not enough for a sofa or loveseat, but enough for a comfortable chair and a sewing table or writing desk. I need to figure out exactly what I want.

I'm still discovering things about my house. Still reveling in the space and how pretty it is.

Today was quiet. They said the bed would be delivered early (otherwise I'd have to wait until Monday) so I missed church to be here. That's okay. I'll find the right place for me later. Right now, I'm still settling in. Beginning to get the little things (kitchen garbage pail with a tight fitting lid, for example) that will make this house a home.

Thank you, Sharyn, for the suggestion of lists of what I need! Tori, now that you mentioned it, I've started noticing the noise of my ice maker. But there's enough distance between my bedroom and the kitchen that it doesn't disturb my sleep. And I still enjoy the luxury.

What I am discovering is that I really did know what I was doing when I picked this house and I really will always be able to figure out solutions to problems that come up. Those of you who know me well are going, "Well, duh!" Years of being treated as if I wasn't so smart, though, had their effect and it's taking time for this to sink in at a gut level. But each success--whether it's figuring out how to get home when I get lost after dark or choosing the right bed or fixing a minor glitch in the house--helps that understanding to embed itself so that it begins to be a part of who I am and how I see myself. It gives me both courage and faith to make new choices and move closer to making this the house I want it to be.

I ponder where my writing should go next. There are lots of things I could be writing and I am asking myself what I NEED to write. I as myself what I can uniquely do well. I wrote a draft of Pink Refrigerator as fiction. Part of me still whispers it should be nonfiction. We'll see. Thing is, all things seem possible now. And what once upon a time would have paralyzed me with fear has become more of what I simply take in stride.

That's the thing about doing new things, taking new steps, pushing ourselves beyond our comfort zone. This is what helps our comfort zones expand. This is how we grow as individuals. This is how we discover the things we didn't know we could do!

And through all of it, I find myself smiling every day. And that's important--to build joy into our days and into the new steps we take. Doesn't have to cost a lot of money. Doesn't have to be anything complicated. What it does take is the decision to make sure that we create lives in which we do find reasons to smile and even laugh. We can still honor our responsibilities. Indeed, I would argue that our best shot at honoring those responsibilities and carrying them out comes when we do it from a space of joy and happiness in our own lives. It is when we do not have those things in our lives that we become angry and hurtful toward others and miserly with what little goodness we have in our lives. Because we are afraid that's all there is. But when we know that at any time and in any place we know ways to be happy and smile and laugh, well, then we have the energy and strength and resources to help take care of others.

So...wishing you love and laughter and happiness in your own lives as well as courage to make whatever changes you need to make and perhaps have been putting off. Take those steps forward--you will be forever glad you did, even if they do not work out precisely as you hope they would!